I have been in virtual every day since our school shut down in April. I have existed solely within the walls of my bedrooms for what feels like years. I adjusted to the concept of online school and adapted an it is what it is mindset. The first semester all was good. Being online for school gave me new opportunities to talk to and get to know my classmates via phone calls because of the lack of in-person contact. I was surprised to make new school friends while online for school. I was getting my work done and had good grades. After winter break, a lot changed. I started getting down on myself saying we would be this way forever and the school days would never end. I refused to be attentive in class and adapted a dangerous minimalistic approach to my assignments. Something needed to change, quickly. I asked my parents if I could go back to school. Once getting approval, I was excited. This would be the rejuvenation and motivation I needed to get back on track academically. I went through the school day in person, and!!! nothing. Apart from the first five minutes, I just felt lost. After first period I only saw a couple kids, and in the three hours between Hebrew and AP extra, I sat outside playing some chess then thinking if it was worth coming. Academically, yes it was. It eliminated distractions and enhanced learning. I could ask questions without feeling like I was interrupting. The schedule is inconvenient though because of my younger brother, and socially there were not many kids there. When I got home, I wasted the rest of the day trying to find the motivation to get something done as always. How do you guys stay motivated during these unprecedented times?
Zev, this really put our year into perspective. It's so hard to explain why learning online is so challenging and makes me unmotivated. Throughout quarantine, I've developed a "floating rock" mentality that everyone on TikTok talks about. It's thinking about how the small things that we stress about have no impact on our lives or the world. This is good and bad. I do not stress as much over homework, tests, or bad grades because in 5 years it won't matter. This is bad because it has caused me to lose all motivation for school. The only thing that pushes me to continue is the pressure I put on myself. I say that I don't care about school, yet I spend hours completing every assignment, studying, and get disappointed when my grades aren't up to my personal standards- I know all of this is contradictory and I confuse myself, too. I honestly have no idea how I'm going to get enough motivation for AP exams, another ACT, and finals.
ReplyDeleteHey Zev, it was great to see you back at school. I agree that going to school has upsides and downsides, and sometimes it is just better to stay at home. Unfortunately that is the way things are at the moment, but I prefer starting school 45 minutes later because I can get more sleep. Also, staying online for some days gets me even more sleep. Honestly, I have become more unmotivated in certain classes, but I think it is fine because I have had a lot of free time to explore my hobbies/passions. Hope to see you in school soon:).
ReplyDeleteHi Zev. I also think it was great to see you back in school and enjoyed playing chess with you in person. I also agree that the schedule is more tailored towards online students which is a little annoying. I think that it's hard to focus in the one hour long classes when I'm in school, so I can't imagine what it's like for the online people.
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